So, this would make the second week where I haven’t had a blog post scheduled on time by 6am this morning. (I’m literally writing this at 9:20). A classic example of New Year’s Resolutions slowly unravelling. However, I hope to turn it around by next week. for now, at least I got a post up today at all.
If I’m being perfectly honest, I think the reason I’m falling behind is because inspiration hasn’t come so easily lately, and that is usually for one of two reasons; either my life has been pretty stagnant in routine with not a lot else going on or I’m just going through a rough patch and feeling a little down. if I’m going to be further honest, this time, it’s the latter.
When I say ‘down’ I think that’s putting it very lightly, but I do not believe it’s necessary to get into any details. The important thing is, that I will be okay.
I think whenever we go through a rough patch in our lives it can be hard to see a way out. it can be hard to imagine that life is going to get any better. Some of us are constantly looking for a solution that will magically fix all our problems and make us feel happy again. And some us just believe that all hope is lost, and we will stay sad or lonely forever.
Though I admit I have felt both of these ends of the spectrum, neither one is possible. In some cases, there is no one solution to your problem, but it doesn’t mean that will be this sad forever. You see there is a secret third perspective that I’ve learnt a lot about recently.
Let’s take a look at the concept of closure for a minute. We all have this idea (including myself) that in order for us to move on with something, it has to be dealt with in a clean fashion and tied up with a pretty bow. For example; if someone has hurt us, we would expect them to admit what they’ve done was wrong and for them to apologise. However, this will not always happen… so then what?
Well, like they say; ‘the only person you can change is yourself’, and while that just sounds like an annoying thing your parents have told you a million times, it is undoubtedly true. Sometimes we will not get the apology we were hoping for and that means we have to either find a way within ourselves to forgive that person anyway and perhaps give then a second chance or we have to let it go.
Letting it go is not going to be easy. Believe me, I know! so many emotions can arise from a situation like this; hurt, betrayal, anger. But if we expected an apology from every person who hurt us in this world, then yes, we would be pretty sad forever. What I’m trying to say is letting go is necessary – not for the person who hurt you, but for your own happiness and wellbeing.
When we let, we have to remember a few things. The first I already told you, which is to accept that you can’t change the other persons behaviour.
The second is that the people who do care about you are on your side and do know the truth. if no one else believed that you were hurt (including the person who hurt you) then at least the people who know and care about you do know the truth. that’s all that really matters.
Another thing to keep in mind is that perhaps in some cases you could feel sorry for the person who hurt you. I’m not saying that you should nor am I saying this is true in all cases. But generally, when you take a good look at the life of a bully, you’ll notice that things are not so great for them and they generally feel bad about themselves already which is why they tend to feel the need to bring others down with them. Also, some people just have incredibly boring lives and so the only interesting thing going on is the drama that they feel the need to drag on.
It is not wise to ‘fight fire with fire’. I do believe that if somebody does continue to harass or hurt you, that it is not a good idea to engage with them. You will only cause more damage to yourself and it means that whatever drama that it regards, will drag out for longer and escalate. My advice would be to remove yourself from the person (or people) both physically and on social media (if it comes to that). The key to letting go is to actually step back, remove yourself, wipe your hands clean. But don’t do it in such a way that you ‘throw a cat amongst the pigeons’ and then step back. Just remove yourself before you do or say anything antagonising. That is the most effective thing you can do.
Once we’ve finally let go of something and removed ourselves from the situation, sometimes we still need to find an outlet for all that built up anger, frustration and stress. I can’t tell you exactly what your outlet might be. it could be a fun hobby such as painting, writing or dancing. It could be exercise (which I’ve heard has proven very affective in stress release according to my psychology textbook as it releases happy endorphins). Or could simply just be a walk around the block. Or any combination of things.
I do opt for the long walk (or in my case, drive). I try to do this every afternoon around the same time. I drive down to the creek at the end of my street and follow a long windy bike path for about an hour up and back. That might sound like a long time for anybody walking, but in my wheelchair with my headphones in, time seems to fly by and sometimes an hour isn’t long enough.
The thing about this bike path is its surrounded by trees and grassland and through it is a creek where you’ll sometimes see ducks. It’s the perfect escape to nature. Like driving through the countryside or a forest. Out there, I am able to drive without thinking about where I’m going. I can organise my thoughts and solve problems in my head without any distractions. Or I can simply enjoy the view, the scent of fresh grass and daydream about a brighter future as I listen to my favourite playlists. Some call this a form of meditation though I think that word has too much of a hippy-dippy connotation for my liking. I simply call it my escape.
My escape from life’s dramas, stresses and problems. My escape to a simpler and purer world. A way to let go of the hurt from today and enter a happier tomorrow.
Have a lovely day! xx